Sex/Life Special 04 – Left behind

A friend of mine a few weeks ago asked me for advice. He met a Canadian girl who was soon going to leave Chile for good and he wanted to get with her. I told him my ultimate technique: no fancy dates, no clubbing or eternally delaying things, just be direct and tell her “I want to have sex with you.” He first freaked out, but realized he didn’t have anything to lose and tried it. He spent the following three weeks having a very good deal of fun with this woman. When she left, we talked about dating foreigners and he shared with me this article “Don’t date a girl who travels.” Reading it got me to think about my own love life and some transcendental moments I’ve lived.

Scene 1. Ezeiza Airport, Buenos Aires, Argentina.

We hugged so tight I felt our bodies merging in this tender embrace. I still remember that like it was this very morning and not six months ago. Her face, beautiful even though she was crying ever since we left the hostel, sought comfort on my chest. I caressed her thin blond viking hair, trying to catch its scent as long as I could, until it was finally time to let her go. We kissed one last time and she walked to the counter, passed her ticket and walked through the boarding tunnel, looking back at me with a sad smile. Once she was out of sight, I sat in front of the waiting area window and patiently waited for her plane to leave, weeping. A couple of texts she sent me from the plane cheered me up a little, but once it took off, I couldn’t help crying again. My Norwegian girl was gone. The one I loved, my soul mate; flying back to Norway, away from me.

Here there’s some more to that story and tips to survive a girl who travels.

Scene 2. My apartment, Barrio Brasil, Santiago, Chile.

She faded away at the end of the hall, leaving my story as quickly as she’s got into it. Our “thing” was short, but intense. We had less than a week to know each other, and time flying when we were together didn’t help at all. Despite that, I liked her a lot and I could always tell she felt the same for me. Sex was amazing and we could spend hours talking, laughing or just cuddling. This English gal was very pretty and I loved her British accent and humor. But she was passing by Santiago in her way to keep traveling up South America to Mexico. Her plans didn’t change for me. I was never part of her plan to begin with, so moving on was the sensible thing to do for her. A hug, a few kisses and a goodbye. That’s all I got before she walked out my door, waved her hand at me and took her way down the hall to the elevator, to turn in that corner and disappear both from my sight and my life. Perhaps it was for the best. The “thing” could have got way more intense soon and the imminent farewell would’ve been devastating.

The story got way more fucked up. Some more details here.

Scene 3. TBD (To Be Determined).

In a little more than a week she, my lover, will be gone. I met this cute Danish girl unexpectedly. I came to that party chasing a British gal I knew before, so things between us worked organically. In less than 10 minutes we talked, danced and said our goodbyes. I kept chasing after the the Brit and left the building, what was a big fucking waste of time. Nevertheless, next day my future lover had friended me on Facebook and the following week we were shagging at my flat. I said I didn’t want a relationship nor commitment, and she agreed because she knew she was leaving a few months after that. We maintained an only sex thing intermittently, while at the same time I was fucking around as much as I could. Only my accident in San Pedro de Atacama, with the whole near to death experience, made me settle down for a bit and scalate our business to a more official level, yet keeping it as non exclusive. We became lovers and friends. Very good friends. But after all my suffering I just couldn’t do or give more than what I have so far. Again, I think not getting attached is for the best. She will soon go back to Denmark, half way around the world from me.

After all this, I wonder why I keep doing the same to myself. Why do I keep engaging in relationships that are going to be over in a predetermined period of time? I think I’m terrified of serious commitment. Spending almost 9 years in a relationship messed me up apparently. But, on the other hand, I also believe I’m a romantic. Why does love have to be right next to you? Isn’t it more poetic to find it in the other side of the world? I mean, what are the odds? Why not believing in fate for a while? Why not just live this adventure instead of being sensible, at least just for a moment?

Just before I started writing this I read the response to the column that inspired me. It’s “DO date a girl who travels”, and there was a part that really got my attention. It says that a girl who travels will know when to change her plans for the chance to love. Yes, no woman has really changed much her plans for me before. I’m still waiting for that to happen. Will I finally find love when this occurs? I’m not sure, but wouldn’t hurt that much to keep trying, expecting not to be left behind again.

Things have changed a lot! More to that in “Long Distance.”

27 Comments

  1. Don’t be deflated, your time will eventually come! I began travelling around Latin America in December 2012 and was meant to return to the UK after three months…needless to say, I’m still here. I’m waiting on my Argentine boyfriend, who is in the process of saving money and organising his visa to come back with me. You can fall in love with a traveller and the consequences don’t have to be dire, you just need to know how to pick the right girl :)

  2. Thanks for your advice, Milly! I haven’t lost hope yet and I think things are gonna work out just fine. If she leaves it means she didn’t really love me, if she stays… well, that’d be the most beautiful love story the world will see (or at least I will live).

  3. HI, I’m a traveling girl and have changed my plans for a chance at love and moved in with a boy in Germany. Unfortunately the boy did not change his current life style for his new traveling girlfriend. Short story short boy continued to live his life while girl continued to travel never once regretting to give love a chance.

  4. Nowadays individuality is so valuated that people forgets loving implies sharing your life with the other, not making your loved one be an spectator of your existence.

    You did go taking your chances on love instead of carrying on like it didn’t happened. In the end, that’s all that matters.

  5. I just have to say I love this article. You are me in man form, and that is meant as a compliment. It is so refreshing to meet Puget petiole like me out there that are willing to take a chance on prior, knowing that we might fall and hurry ourselves but would regret doing nothing as the alternative!

  6. Hi, friend! I’m still wondering what “Puget petiole” means hehehe.

    I really enjoyed your comment, it’s good to know there’s more people around taking a chance on love and making the best of it.

  7. So, I have a smart phone with predictive text and I still don’t ever check what I’m writing! So sorry to all who thought I was crazy :) what I meant to say was it is so nice to see people out there like me who take a chance on love. I also trend to find myself picking up people who are in town for short periods of time, sometimes it’s just good company with good sex; other times, it is much more than that. I, too, believe it is good to continue taking chances otherwise you’ll live a life of “what if” instead of “I know”.

  8. Probably I’m not that similar to you, Celeste. “Man is the only animal that not only trips over the same stone twice, but also falls in love with it.” I’m trying to change my extreme humanity, in that sense, to one that makes me suffer less. I’m fed up with that. I’m still going to take a chance on love, but will be much more cautious. After all, love’s a choice too.

    By the way, I’m intrigued with you. Throw us a little abstract about you.

  9. So, what is stopping you from packing your backpack and travelling? Sensitive, smart, funny…and lived the whole life in one city? Getting a taste of adventure through the amasing girls you meet and who break your heart…doesn’t it tell you something? Maybe…just maybe you are into their zest for life, their love for travelling, ther view on the world? Pack and go…be a guy who travells. Dare. Change. And you might just meet someone who will travel with you. Good luck! Mali

  10. Well, Mali, first of all, thanks for the compliments. Second, my mission here is not over yet. Yeah, I do believe in mystic stuff.

    So money and personal development keep me here still. Eventually I’ll be a man who travels, but I’m not in a hurry. All in time, my friend.

    Thanks for the advice!

  11. I fell for a guy who travels and am also a girl who travels. I changed my travelling plans to join his. We started out best friends and slowly became something more. We have travelled to different places together (spent almost 2yrs doing so) and he still won’t commit to a relationship. I stay hoping for more but the time is coming when I get a job and will have to leave. Then I’ll see if he’ll change his plans for me. It sucks what you go thru and what I go thru….all in hopes of finding the one.

  12. Dear friend, I recommend you to read my column Don’t fall in love.

    Changing your plans for another’s plans is not wise. Love is sharing, combining each others lives for a plan in common, not yours, not his.

    I am sorry he haven’t committed to a relationship, but have you told him your feelings? That’s a first. If he knows your feelings but won’t commit, that means he is not interested. Don’t waste your time.

    Go live your life, your plans, your work, your passions. If he wants to join you, then don’t change your plans, just tweak them towards a life in common, nothing more, nothing less.

    Hope you are great. Keep me posted!

  13. All of this, love and life, are hard to figure out. I agree Eduardo that love is a choice too, but I know that I keep about 99% of the population or of my love choices right away because I am not in to them. I, myself, am also not someone who falls love easily. I like people, a lot, and then tend to go through the rigor marole of assessing my feelings for them to ensure that it is like and not lust… Takes me a long time to do it, but I gets done. Let me know of there is anything else you want to know Eduardo…

    As for the lady above, you are worth more than what he won’t give you. I know it would be hard to leave him but understand that you deserve what you want in this life, and sometimes you have to stand up and scram it from the top of your lungs and walk put off the room in order to get it. You may still be some after that, but at least you’ll know that you deserve someone who will follow you… Queue Lykke Li’s “I follow”.

    1. I grew up in America and have been living in Germany for the last seven years in a tourist mountain town… Hence my link to travelers always on the go.

  14. Hey, Celeste! Thanks for solving the mystery. Now I get the full context of your love life.

    I live in Santiago de Chile, which is not a touristic city. Yes, it’s the capitol of my country, so we get a lot of foreigners living and traveling here, which has given me the chance to meet girls and find love. Yet, again, it’s not something I recommend unless one has the guts to take that leap and suffer the consequences, if it comes to that as it happened to me.

    I hope you find someone for whom you don’t have to suffer as it has happened before. Cheers!

    1. I have suffered by my choices, but I am glad I chose them. Then I figured out that those people weren’t meant for me…. A choice I’ll never regret Eduardo!

  15. You are avoiding commitment and sustained intimacy subconsciously. If you have a long committed relationship something will get triggered then you will know!

  16. Don Droga, after a 9 year relationship you bet I’m fucking scared of any commitment, but at the same time it’s only because I’m seeking the right person to start a relationship with, instead of settling for whoever comes my way.

    C, I’m on the same boat. Living all to the fullest: love, pain, happiness, hurt. Don’t regret it, but I hope next time I’ll have more of the good stuff and less of the shit.

    1. Looks like you and I are in the same boat Eduardo. FYI, C = Celeste. You may have gotten that but I was lazy to write my full name… 7 letters take a while to punch out on my smartphone when rushing to work!

  17. Celeste, it seems we are ;)

    Still, as I said, I’m not willing to keep suffering just because “I have to.” I’m making smarter choices and taking more sensible decisions. Of course, not gonna run away from the pain, but this time I plan on having a great time rather than just some shitty one.

    1. I don’t know about you, but I’m having a ball in our boat :P. I couldn’t resist Eduardo.

  18. Nice to hear, Celeste. I hope this time it works out for you.

    I’d love to say the same, but my current situations it’s so complicated that looks more like a hipster romantic comedy than real life. Someday maybe I’ll be able to tell the story…

  19. Thank you so much for sharing… cause I’m one of you, but until 5 min ago I thought to be kinda alone. What we r looking for is true authentic passionate MAGIC, and we’ll not settle for less… even if sometimes it is tempting in difficult moments, and when it seems that other people are happy with a more stable, calm and predictable life. All those encounters we have, for me in the big capital where I’m living, or during all the travelling, are for always in our mind and will leave a print on our life. And i think that after a long relationship it’s easier to suffer after such magical encounters, than to open up for a true new serious commitment. But options there will always be: there is nowhere to go but anywhere. Even got it tattood. Anway… Thanks!!!!

  20. Steph, thanks you too for sharing! When I restarted writing on this blog -I had a 4 years pause- was because I felt the need to share my own experience. I thought “shit, all that is happening to me definitely should have happened to somebody else; maybe my experience could help others.”

    I love every comment that I get, every time a person shares their story or ask for advice. Makes me feel somehow useful, and the pain I suffered and caused just makes sense.

    Nowadays, things have changed a lot in my life, and all of that happened because more than once i dared to try something and live life through my feelings and not my mind. Feelings that required honesty and passion, and the guts to face pain to experience happiness. And, you know what? I’d do it all over again, just for the fun of it.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.