Don’t fall in love

Do you want a piece of advice? Do not fall in love. You see, loving is a gigantic task you may not want to get involved in. Need any reasons? I’ll give you a few for you to consider.

Loving is caring. It means taking care of somebody else than yourself, committing to look up for their welfare and your own at the same time. Exhausting!

Loving is dangerous. It awakes your worst nightmares and demons. Jealousy, pride, prejudice, insecurity; you name it. It requires you to be strong enough to fight them, smart enough to ignore them and firm enough to choose love over them all.

Loving is weakness. Makes you vulnerable because it forces you to open up completely to the other person. It’s brutal honesty, humbleness, physical and emotional nudity. You must be who you are, your true self, no masks nor faking. It’s leaving your comfort zone and exposing all your wounds and flaws.

Loving is losing. You give up part of your freedom and independence, adjusting your life and space to be with the object of your affection. You forget about all “the fishes in the sea”, because you are already taken, off the market. Your roofless individuality now ends where the other’s starts. Kiss goodbye your selfishness, there’s no room for it anymore.

Loving is growing. It requires you to improve yourself to the fullest, because to deliver the best of you in the relationship means also that you must be the best version of yourself you can be. Doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, because imperfection is part of the package. You must embrace your imperfection, using it in your favor. Because imperfection is what makes us human, and a human who, despite its own flaws, reaches a higher level of personal growth, defines perfection itself.

Loving is investing. Your time, energy, tears, sweat… sometimes even money! Though as an investment it’s the worst you can make. You can’t expect anything in return; is giving selflessly, limitless and in good faith.

Loving is adventure. When you jump into it, you start a quest. Every day is a challenge, an exploration in the unknown. It’s discovering the other and yourself, constantly wondering in the deepest boundaries of the soul and the worldly whatnot of life in common. This search, this journey, is not to take the relationship for granted, to make it stronger over time.

And, over all, loving is sharing. It’s to deliver the most of you. Your happiness, your dreams, your sense of humor, your weird kinks. It’s to be there for the other because you want to, not for obligation, not for need. Searching for balance all the time, avoiding the game of “master/slave.” Bear a part in the life of your significant other as well as them are part of yours. It’s quiting for once and for all flying solo and hold hands to start walking towards a present and a future as Us or We, instead of Just Me.

So, after reading all this, do you still think you wanna fall in love? Because, as Roman Krznaric says in his article, love is a word nowadays is used lightly. The increasing rate of divorces around the world, the ever growing cases of violence among couples of all ages, the inhumanization of society due to the importance they now give to individualism.

All of the above are factors to take in consideration when we talk about love. Is it what it used to be? Do you think you can give yourself to it for real and not in the shallow way most people do these days? If not, and I say this for your own good, just don’t fall in love.

13 Comments

  1. What is left, if you take away love? Would you want to live without one of the strongest feelings ever? Yeah, you are right, love takes work, but don’t you think it is still worth your time and effort?
    To me it is priceless.

  2. Si crees que el amor es contraproducente en alguna manera, entonces ya de por si perdiste.

    La única manera de realmente conectar con una mujer que sea cariñosa y amorosa, es tu siendo el hombre equivalente que la represente. El amor no es anularse, si no crecer de a dos. Un crecimiento donde las individualidades lejos de opacarse, se destacan.

    Respeto tu forma de ver las cosas, pero me parece muy peligrosa la filosofía que compartís. Nunca llegaras a ser una influencia positiva, capaz de cambiar la vida de una mujer pensando de esa manera, en donde en verdad el objetivo principal de la seducción no es solo la relación sexual que podas tener con alguien sino más bien la conexión emocional que construiste con esa persona así sea por una noche, una semana o un año.

    Definitivamente este post por excelente redacción que tenga, no es más que un vomito emocional público, testigo solamente del bagaje que colgas a cuestas.

    Nunca olvides que nosotros no vemos el mundo por como que es, vemos el mundo por cómo SOMOS. Y si no podes amar, es porque no te podes amar vos. Cuando vos tenes amor por dentro ese amor se desprende como TU REGALO hacia al mundo.

    El verdadero poder masculino yace en la compasión, empatía, integridad y autenticidad que compartís con el mundo y con las mujeres.

    Y este mensaje demuestra solamente la debilidad interna que tenes por dentro y te deseo la mejor suerte en tu camino para alcanzar la versión más fuerte de ti mismo.

    Pero para un blog de “auto-ayuda” me parece lejos de ayuda esto que vomitas.

  3. Rafa, gracias por comentar, pero te voy a tener que vomitar encima.

    Loco, ¿leíste el post o no? Fíjate en el último párrafo. “Do you think you can give yourself to it for real and not in the shallow way most people do these days? If not, and I say this for your own good, just don’t fall in love.”

    Mi idea fue enumerar todo lo que significa amar de verdad, una forma de decir “si no estás listo para hacer todo esto, no te enamores, no pierdas el tiempo.”

    Yo sé lo que es el amor y me entregaré a éste cuando llegue el momento. Sin vomitar ;-)

  4. Love this! So true, I’ve experienced so much of this & for the first time am not running away…it is really hard work. Brilliant stuff☺️

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