The Decadence Chronicle. Episode 37: Peace

“I love life. It’s so beautiful,” Marie wrote, after sending me this amazing skyline picture of LA.
“Life?” I asked, walking towards the train station in the cold. Happy to be off work.
“Yes. I feel so at peace.”
“I’m glad,” I wrote, “I felt like that with you. It’s very nice.” I felt pathetic right after sending that message. But then I remembered how good it was when it was good.
“It is a nice feeling indeed…”

Marie left to Los Angeles yesterday. T is nowhere to be found. I quit Tinder a couple of days ago. Lots going on, so I took a quarter of an anxiety pill last night and slept great for the first time in a couple of weeks. That helped. I feel more focused today. Anxiousness is not as bad, either. And it’s Thursday. Life looks awesome when the weekend is this close.

The short chat I had with Marie on my commute back home helped me put things in perspective. I thought about my ex -as I often do-, and for a second there I didn’t feel the usual discomfort or plain hate I usually get. There was only love. Forgiveness. Understanding. Whatever she did to me, as bad as it was, is over. Gone. I was a sad fuck before her, I’m a sad fuck now. For different reasons, in different conditions. Better conditions now, though. Thanks to her.

Not long ago, Date girl told me that most smart people suffers from anxiety. She was a psychologist, probably wasn’t bullshitting me. So let’s say being anxious is okay. Insomnia is shit, but anyone in a fucked up situation gets that shit. I know mine will pass; it has come and gone before. I have money and food, so starving is not something to worry about in the near future. The job is boring, but well paid, doable and stable. And Denmark, damn, it’s not amazing, yet I can bike around and do my best to ignore the racism and the shitty weather. And the pretty girls are a big plus.

It’s scary when things start going too well. In the blink of an eye, shit can go down south. Or it could. It also couldn’t. But, what do I know? Nothing’s been that great in my life. Nothing that lasted, anyway. Still, I prefer to take my precautions. Keep everything in the right balance of “glass half-full, glass half-empty.” Although maybe it’s best to just down the whole fucking glass, and then waiting for life to refill it for me.

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