The Decadence Chronicle. Episode 34: Loaded

Life’s a gamble. All you can do is roll the dices and see what happens, or let the Universe roll them for you. In the end, you can only do the best you can with the little you know, and hope for the best. This is, of course, my point of view. Between believing in something or not believing at all, I prefer to believe. Spices up things and makes everyday life more bearable. Although sometimes I feel no matter how I roll the dices, things go backwards. Maybe my dices are loaded. With shit, most likely.

“I don’t like this girl T,” my friend A said, “she’s weird.”
“You didn’t like Marie, either,” I said. “And now she’s back.”
“She’s not good for you. None of them are.”
“I don’t know, it seems like I have a magneto for crazy girls.”
“There’s no such thing. You don’t attract them. You are attracted to them.”
“No, I’m not! Ah, well, maybe in a way I am. I just let them play their little games. I see all the red flags, but stay there to see what comes next.”
“You kinda like it. All the other guys are like ‘I just wanted an easy fuck. Screw this girl, I’m out!’ You just stick around.”
“I like intense experiences. I’m a writer,” I said, in a sarcastic tone.

Last week I talked with a girl about my writing. She also liked to write, so as our conversation flowed, we quickly connected through our craft. “I live my life as if it was an improv class. I never say ‘no’ and always play along,” I told her. She gave me an intense look and smiled, as if I had read something in her mind. “You are making your life your work of art,” she said. I chuckled, moved and inspired. For an instant, although it might sound like bullshit, our souls vibrated in the same frequency. We understood each other; two people from two different corners of the world, two spirits blending in a second that was paused in the continuum of time. The dices, stopping in a lucky combination.

I’m aware I might be a shitty writer -I constantly doubt myself. But, fuck, if I get to experience and freeze moments in time through words, then it’s all worth it. Whether the dices of fate bounce in a predefined gamble of loss, or if all the shit I go through is a fucking bluff before a lucky streak. I think I will keep on playing and see if luck is on my side or not. And crazy women, well; they are a big part of this bet.

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