Should I tear my eyes out now?
Everything I see returns to you somehow
Should I tear my heart out now?
Everything I feel returns to you somehow
This has got to end. It’s been, what? Almost four years since we met, and about two years from the last time we saw each other. I’m done paying for my sins and the sins of those who came before me. Redemption time is over. I’ve given all I’ve got twice over, and yet again some more. And all this motherfucking love I have within, about to burst my chest; all this love is lost in her. What a fucking waste.
I’m back in the apps. Tinder, Bumble, etc. The works. It only took one more dream of her to wake up and installing them back in my fucking phone. I can’t deal with all this shit at once. The stress of the new job, my fucking insomnia, the Russian war, the end of the fucking world. It’s too much, man. I’m only human and will do as humans do: coping. And my coping mechanism right now has warm skin I can hold to sleep, a mellow voice that’ll say nice things and eyes I can stare until I fall into some mind-numbing trance. She’s got no name nor face yet, but she’s out there, somewhere. And I need her, in the flesh, as soon as possible.
I wish my ex the best in her lifelong journey without me. I wish myself sincere forgiveness and/or sufficient memory loss to carry the fuck on without her.