​The last of 37

I’m exhausted, after another night of shitty sleep and weird nightmares of me being back home in Santiago, living with my parents and fighting with my brother. Although the possibilities of that ever becoming a reality are slim to none, for some reason those ideas keep awakening me in the darkest hours of the night. Sporadically, yes, but annoying nonetheless.
My first blogpost of last year was from the day after my birthday. 364 days down the line, in the very last day of me as a 37-year-old man; I’m feeling almost obliged to take time for a little reflection.
It’s no secret that 2020 will go to the annals of history as one of the worst years ever. For me, it was no exception. Suffering from an injury induced PTSD, while succumbing to the last stretch of a toxic, narcissistic abusive relationship. Getting at the verge of falling down with stress at work, just to end up getting fired when I had finally became comfortable in it. Stressing out, as well, to get a bank loan to buy my flat. And accepting that, event though I had purchased very expensive plane tickets, I couldn’t travel to Chile for the second year in a row. Which meant, again, having to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve completely alone. Again. And don’t even get me started on loneliness, for this has been the loneliest year in my life.
Paradoxically, I’ve made big moves and adult, healthy decisions that have finally solidified the feeling of adulthood within. I bought my very first apartment, took the loss of my job like a motherfucking boss, started therapy with a great psychologist, and finally broke up with my ex. Also, I fell in love again, briefly, with someone new. Which didn’t go well, but proved that it’s not impossible to find a decent woman out there. And, to top all of this up, I picked up a new hobby/passion: art. I’ve spent the last few months painting and drawing a lot, enjoying myself quite a bit while locked down on the inevitable second wave of COVID-19.
All in all, a year that I’m glad it’s just about gone, yet I’m thankful for. Wondering, what now? How will the Year of the Three Eight be like?

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *