’cause every touch reminds you of
Just how sweet it could have been
And every time he kisses you
It leaves behind the bitter taste of saccharine

Whenever a girl I really liked dumped me, I cheered myself up by thinking “She’s never gonna find someone like me. Her loss.” I believed my uniqueness made me this invaluable asset; this marvelous treasure that was a once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy and that letting me go was the biggest mistake anyone could make. Full of myself much?
There’s no comfort in knowing that whom I lost will have to settle with spending the rest of her days without me. Uniqueness works both ways. Every hour she spends without her arms around me is an hour I spend without her arms around me. Every morning she wakes up without me naked by her side is a morning she isn’t naked by my side. Every breath she’ll take without smelling my musk is a breath I’ll take without inhaling her fragrance. And so on. A zero-sum game.
As you can see, I’m still suffering after my breakup and questioning the path I’ve taken in my life. I wonder if this is a normal part of the grieving process or if this is already on the toxic side of the spectrum. If it is, let’s blame it on the quarantine.