The ballad of none

I never had much love in my life.
Only once I saw my dad cry.
I held him, tight.
He pushed me away and locked himself in.
Quietly, on the bus to uni, I weeped.
2001.

I never had much love in my life.
“I want you to hate me,” she said.
On a 3 AM Skype call from Vietnam, the video off.
I cried myself to sleep, drunk and sad.
Woke up the next morning, feeling I was gonna die.
2013.

“I never had much love in my life.”
I write down. Tears in my eyes.
Spotify breaks the silence in this, otherwise, silent night.
Painfully letting go, the heart aches.
No ice cream eating, no Netflix today.
All I do is missing. Skin, presence, smells.
Sleeplessness, here I come again.
2020.

I never had much love in my life.
Anyway.

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