I look at my laptop’s clock. It’s 14:14:14 of February 14th, 2016. Can’t say I don’t feel obligated by fate or God or the mysteries of life to write a short little something on love. So I will start with a fun fact: by accident, I set a date on Saint Valentines Day, 14 years ago. I was 19 and that was my first date ever. Actually, I didn’t even know that was a date. I didn’t know much about anything regarding love, sex, women and all those kind of things. Flashforward to this day, still I don’t.
When I broke up with first girlfriend, I saw the light. I suddenly felt a calling, the sense of a purpose. I needed to spread the word to prevent others from getting trapped in the same life sucking experience from which now I had broken free. First, I did I by word of mouth; but that process didn’t seem effective enough and didn’t reach as many people as I wanted to. Then, the blog came.
There I was, online, preaching about what love was supposed to be. I felt empowered, and even more after the first actual romance I had based in nothing but the most infatuating feeling I had ever felt. Boy, did I know about love now…
The blog evolved and developed, just as I did. But, as my life got more complicated, the tone and frequency of my writing became darker and scattered over time. I added some poetry in the mix, just to encapsulate my changing emotions and deep moments into fragments of words. And then I broke up.
Two months already. That’s how long I’ve been single this time around. Not writing much about love lately. Makes no sense. Not after two complete opposite relationships that ended up the same way. “It’s not you, it’s me” kind of way. And it fucking sucks. Because I know that no one is born knowing what love is and how you are supposed to make things work. But of all the things you learn by doing, this is tha hardest, because fucking things up is breaking something that -usually- can’t be repaired.
February 14th, 2002. How did that first date ever go, 14 years ago on a day like today? It went like shit, of course. Perhaps it was a sign, or a challenge I am still trying to figure out how the fuck to overcome.