The decision

“We have to talk.”

Exactly two years ago, in a cold and gray September 19th morning, I turned to her and said those words. Three hours later, after crying, cuddling, shouting and arguing, she left the flat we shared until that day. I had broken up with my girlfriend, the longest relationship I’d ever had. I had changed my history and reshaped the future.

Now, while I write these words and remember that dark passage of my life, I’m sitting in bed next to my fiancé. Yes, things have changed indeed. But I didn’t know it was gonna go like this back then. “Why am I doing this?!” I asked myself; “What for?!” I had no idea of this future. I was clueless of the chain of events that this decision, the most important I’d made to that date, was going to bring. All I knew was that I needed to do it. Desperately.

I believe that, on the surface or deep inside, we all know what’s best for us. Our whole self practically screams at us when we are not following the right path. In my case, this shout came as a bodily reaction. I felt a constant anxiety that wouldn’t stop choking me for the last few years of my past relationship. An anxiety that magically faded away as she walked away from my life.

A relationship that lasted 9 years was ended on a day like this. I changed a predictable and comfortable future -family, kids, house- for uncertainty. Can’t say that at some points I didn’t doubt my decision, but who doesn’t? The important thing is to stick to your choice and embrace both the good and the bad that comes from it. Because when you make the right decision, you just know it. And, as me, one day you will look back at that moment and thank that younger version of yourself for having the guts of choosing right.

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