How I survived a girl who travels

I don’t consider myself an extraordinary guy, but I do feel somehow special. This feeling has led me to always search for different experiences, places and people. The same applies to my love life. As a Chilean who has lived his whole life in the same city of Chile, I find it extremely boring to settle with the obvious choice. Well, not gonna lie to you. I did settle for over 8 years with a Chilean girl. A very long relationship destined to fail, that then made me decide to go for the total opposite: short affairs with foreigners.

I had pretty clear what I wanted, until I met a girl who travels. I started dating her and it all went great at first, when there was no attachment and the fact she was leaving Chile in a month was keeping me from committing in an actual relationship. But when the sex is the best you’ve ever had, the connection you feel with the other goes beyond normal and this person starts matching all the parameters of your perfect partner, well, stuff gets complicated.

There were tears. The Norwegian traveler left Santiago and took a bus to Buenos Aires, Argentina, to take the plane back home in a few days. She cried the whole way there. Before leaving my bed, my city and my country she told me she loved me. I could have just let her go, but I couldn’t. Despite my sensibility, I decided to go after her and took the first plane I could catch going there.

I spent the happiest week of my life with her there in Baires, but after this magical time, coming back to reality was Hell. I missed her too much, and she traveling constantly just killed communication between us and, with that, the long distance relationship we had. A month after she left, she broke up with me. There is where the nightmare began. Lots of crying, almost no sleeping, never ending suffering, emotional breakdown… basically, shit all over my existence.

I thought this was never going to end, but I took some steps that helped me to finally leave this whole mess behind. The following list doesn’t represent the ultimate solution to heal your wounds after a girl who travels, but it’s what worked for me and may as well work for you.

Cry: let it all out, baby. The more you do it, the sooner you’ll get rid of the acid melting away your heart and your will to live.

Be social: sitting on your ass at home the whole day stalking the girl on Facebook won’t make you feel any better. Get out there! Go check on your friends, party, get shit faced, see new faces. There’s a world of possibilities around you. Discover it!

Fuck around: thinking you will never find love again? Looking yourself in the mirror and feeling like the most unattractive person in the face of Earth? Nothing like some shagging to shake those beliefs out of your head. Probably you won’t feel any better at first, or even will question the whole point of doing it with some random girls, but those minutes of healthy sexual workout will help you to improve your beaten up self-esteem. Not to mention you’ll feel lighter both in your head and your balls. (Although I must warn you: this may not end up well. Check ‘Fucking up and around’)

Have a near to death experience (optional): you probably will not wanna do this, but in my case being near to die in a climbing accident while I was alone in the middle of the desert changed my perspective on life quite a bit. You, just like me, won’t think about her while your biggest concern is to survive. Plus, the life changing story this experience will become is gonna make you immediately more interesting, which always helps to get laid.

Whine!: don’t keep anything in your system. Pathetic as this sounds, if you feel like writing her an extensive email about your feelings, your thoughts and whatnot, do it! There’s 1 in a million chance she’ll change her mind, but at least you’ll get all that shit off your chest. Whether she answers you with some pity message or never writes you back, after a while you’ll realize it doesn’t hurt anymore. And that, my friend, is the time when this and all of the above will have finally worked.

As I said before, this list is no guarantee of success and I don’t recommend applying every item in it. This is how I survived and moved on after falling in love with a girl who travels. Do this at your own risk, always keeping in mind that you already took the most dangerous decision first: to date a girl who travels.

There are more tips here!

You wouldn’t believe what happened after the girl who travels! Find out here.

16 Comments

  1. I am going trough a similar experience and your advises are really good, maybe someday we can share a beer in Santiago….

  2. Sure, mate! I will never say no to a beer, specially if you are buying! I’m broke after paying for my surgery and physical therapy to walk again after my near to death experience.

  3. Story of my life. Minus the accident. Pain is worth it. Love is pain. I’m from Nicaragua, I’ve seen girls who take their boyfriends back to their land. It depends a lot on the age of the girl and her future life “plans”. Some of them are just into “sex turism”. Be careful. After the first one you will want more. It will eat you up but it is worth it. Every day is an adventure full of stories and emotions. I’m 30 but look younger, so I’m dating a 21yo german girl. Last one was 32yo german (yes I can speak german). I’ve also dated norwegian and dutch girls. KCCO. My dream is to get one to stay here or simply go back to her home country. Anything can happen, that’s the fun part of it.

  4. Thanks for sharing, my Nicaraguan friend!

    I have lots of dreams, none of them includes making somebody stay or take me away from here. I just can’t date Chileans (more on that later), which doesn’t mean I’m waiting for my Princess Charming to arrive from abroad to save me from my grim reality.

    I’ve discovered that love is great and I will keep myself in the path I’ve been taking, even if that means suffering again. But at the same time I know for sure that love is also about sharing, and I want to become the best person I can to share this with my partner and, together, improve our overall life experience.

    Good luck, mein Freund!

  5. Animo bro. Im going through the same thing con una Parisiana, its difficult, we come from complete opposite worlds. we see eachother once a month, but shes woth the wait.. Remeber just as long as you stay away from Chilean women you will be ok. Te invito una chela cuando estas en Londres. suerte

  6. I had the same experience.. I am a girl from Europe who fell in love in Argentina and lived my dream… I wish it could last forever…

  7. Well, Europe gal, it’s gonna last forever. Whether if you succeed in this love adventure or not, this experience will be in your memory for the rest of your life. You took your chances on love, you already won.

  8. Am in Canada. Had a serious relationship a long time back (4 yrs back). She was my life, but our lives took different paths and she moved away (got married).
    Post that I never wanted to get into a relationship and alienated from lot of social interactions and women.
    After all these years, I met someone – the one I know who can be my life again. We met few times, went out together and mutually felt the same feel about us. She is a traveler. Was here for an year and now moving to west coast. I was an explorer wandering places. But cannot do the same at this phase of life. She leaves in a week and I am already in the emotionally broke state. Read your article and was able to convince myself and be prepared.

  9. Rakesh, I’m sorry to hear about the sad events of your life, and I’m glad you to share your story and found some help in my column.

    As a small advice, I would recommend you to be careful about your approach to love. Nobody else can be “your life.” We, as individuals, are equal parts in a relationship, one as important as the other. Don’t lose this sense of self when you are with somebody, because that person chose to be with you and no with themselves. Be a part of your partner’s life!

    Become such a rich person in every aspect of life that once you find love, it won’t ever leave again because this time it’ll be real, strong and forever.

    I’d like you to read this to understand better. I don’t need you

  10. Hey my friend, I am exactly in that stage right now, I am not fully recovered but the fact that some others have seen the light at the end of the tunnel gives me hope. Specially being latin myself and being the girl European like in your situation, your story really hit some sensitive cells. Thanks for sharing! and good recovery from the injury!

  11. The injured foot is recovering just fine! I’m already walking and rocking the 2 manly scars the surgery left.

    One thing I’ve learned after all this journey of letting go is that life is wise. If it’s meant to be, all the Universe will help you being with that person. If it’s not, even the smallest detail will take her away from you.

    Don’t waste your time suffering for someone who doesn’t deserve you, but if you feel like giving it a shot, try as hard as you can to get them back. Whatever happens afterwards will show you the way. In the meantime, move on and do your life.

    Blessings!

  12. dude… you wanted a piece of her u should’ve of impregnated her… that way out of the rest of the guys she fucked in south america she would at best guess chose you as the father… unless ur a broke bloke…guebon u were her tool.

  13. Well, dude, there’s more to this story to come, so stay tuned.

    I’d never “impregnate” any girl to force her to stay by my side, that’s just fucking psycho, and the fact that you suggest me that doesn’t make me respect you at all.

    And, for your information, she could have fucked some men in her life, but I’m the only one who she made love to. That’s enough for me.

  14. Hi Eduardo,

    Thank you for sharing your story so eloquently. I’m an American girl who fell in love with a Moroccan man a year ago while we were both studying abroad in Japan – what are the odds? Love, fun, love, fun, then we left Japan back to our respective countries. I visited him in Morocco twice in seven months – visa and money prevent him from visiting me in the U.S. But he ended it last week, mostly because the future seems so impossible, and we’re both so young that neither of us knows where we’re going to be in one or two years. I’ve never felt so cheated and sad – how would it be if we could both be certain we were going to the same place in a year? Would anything change? I’ve told him I would move to the same country as him but he doesn’t want me to make a life decision like that just for him, especially if I do move and then we end up breaking up after I do. So I guess my question for you is how do you deal with constantly thinking there might be hope for the future? (If you ever have had this hope, I mean).

  15. Hey, Francesca!

    First of all, thanks for sharing your story with me. It seems you haven’t read my last posts, I recommend you to read them to have a better understanding of how my story changed now. Anyway, to give you some context, not long after I wrote this column, I got in touch again with the girl who broke my heart. Now, 2 months after that, she’s living with me here in Santiago de Chile. Yes, she came back for me. She realized that she made a mistake by ending things with me. It was the sensible thing to do, after all, there was no way for us to be together again… not if we didn’t take a leap of faith and fight for our relationship.
    I, as well as you, felt cheated after she decided to let me go. What was what we lived all about then? Did she really love me if it was so easy for her to dump me? Long story short, things have been fixed on both sides, since we both fucked up; and now we are looking forward for a future together in the long run.

    To answer your question, I never lost hope. Deep inside I always knew it wasn’t over. Don’t ask me how or why, I just knew. If you guys love each other, then give it a try. Don’t lose hope unless there’s no hope to lose. You may be young, but that’s not bad, it’s even a better reason to fight for your love. You have a long life ahead to regret not doing this, and a very joyful one if you make the right choice.

    Good luck and let me know how things go. Blessings!

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